To the bank, to the bank, to the bank

Remember when I said that hubby wasn't comfortable with the whole credit card arrangement? A few days ago he went to the bank and started a discussion with a loan officer. Yesterday we went back to the bank and firmed up some more of the details. We are doing a signature loan for 10k. It isn't the most attractive terms--11.25%!!-- but it makes hubby more comfortable to be in hock to the bank rather than a credit card company. The loan that is in the works is for a term of 60 months. We had to have a credit score above 710. We do! The monthly payment is about $220 but we plan on paying this off in a year, so we will be adding an additional $600 as a principal payment each month which will put the pay off around July 2010. We go on Friday to sign the paperwork and pick up the money.

Of all the shots, doubts, and worries that IF has brought into our life. I hate this loan the most. I hate that we don't have the money. And I hate that I can't be reasonable about waiting until we do have the money before we do IVF (though hubby has never asked me to wait). I think that this loan represents how far I am willing to go even to just have a chance at getting pregnant.

About 8 years ago when hubby and I got married, I encouraged him to go back to school. It wasn't just a step in a different direction, it was a leap off a cliff. We packed up an moved about 300 miles away. It was a three year commitment. His education was sooooo expensive. He didn't work, just went to school. After he graduated, he spent 2 more years getting his foot in the door--making almost nothing. I was the only one working a *real* job. I would love to say that I took it all in stride, but I didn't. I was too young and didn't handle the sacrifice nobly. I bitched, complained, and cried the whole 5 years. But some how we got through and hubby was launched successfully in a new life. Often during my temper tantrums in the 5 years, hubby would say that he would make it up to me some day. At the time he talked about me quiting my job and staying at home. But I have never wanted to be jobless. Maybe hubby's support during this whole IF process is his way of "paying me back". He, too, isn't always the most noble and doing everything right. But he is here, making it possible, making a way, and making the best of a horrible situation.