Tuesday, May 26, 2009

A visit to the parents

I managed to get out going to see my parents for Mother's Day because "the weekend is just too short to drive all that way" but I couldn't escape a make up visit over the long Memorial Day weekend. So after I scrapped myself off the floor at midnight on Friday after a party with some of the girls, I managed to get up early on Saturday and drive myself 4 hours to my mom and dad's house.

Oh what fun it was! (Not really.) I love my family but they just don't get how complex and toll taking infertility is. A couple of examples to demonstrate. . .

Example 1: Mom's apart of a club that is preparing for a big yard sale next weekend. One of her friends called to tell mom that she had some baby stuff that she used at her house when her grandchildren came to visit. The friend went on about how she loaned it out to all of her friends and everyone just thought it was great. Did Mom want her to put the stuff in the yard sale or did she want her to hang on to it to loan/give it to Mom when her grandchildren came to visit? I was mentally voting to put the crap in the yard sale. But my Mom told her friend, "just hang on to it. I will probably be needing that pretty soon." Thanks Mom. No pressure, right?

Example 2: Conversation with my grandmother. . .
GM: Did you get a chance to visit with your high school best friend?
Me: No, I think she is at the lake this weekend. I couldn't get a hold of her.
GM: What did she name her baby?
Me: Hum, her daughter is going into first grade next year. She is not really a baby anymore.
GM: That is right, she had her children a while ago. But what is her daughter's name?
Me starting to grit my teeth: Shyanne is her name.
GM: That is an odd name. (Pauses for a min.) What are you going to name your children?
Me: C & A.
GM: C & A? But those are your dogs names! You can't name your children after your dogs!
Me: No GM, my dogs are my children.
GM: Well dogs aren't children. Have some babies and you will know that. When are you going to have some babies?
Me: grinding my teeth, trying to smile mysteriously.
GM: Well, I guess it is just a matter of time.

Seriously it was all I could do not to jump on her couch T.om Cr.uise style, yelling about blocked Fallopian tubes, the cost of IVF and medical science.

I believe that I shattered a few teeth keeping my mouth closed during the long weekend. Sigh.


callmemama said...

I remember DH and I's first visit home after we were married (about 2 years later I think). I got the comments and questions from my dad's secretary, from aunts and uncles, from my mom's coworkers. It was ridiculous...
We don't see anyone but immediate family now when we visit. Not just b/c of IF, but fewer questions is a lovely perk of that decision.
And God forbid an extended family member hear about your IF - "well have you thought about surrogacy?". If I had a dollar for every time I heard that question...well, I'd have about $10.

Best When Used By said...

Sorry about the gut wrenching weekend. I've had different, but similar experiences with family and friends. I think we infertiles have unmatched fortitude when it comes to managing these situations. It's never easy.

Thanks for commenting on my blog. You're right, of course, that people just think they are asking run of the mill questions about pregnancy (and baby names, obviously), but for us, each question is a new hurdle.


just me, dawn said...

It is so hard when people do truly care, but say all the wrong things! I have a friend who always says, my mom had me at 43....yes but you forgot to mention that she had 4 other children before that *sigh*

Katie said...

I think you commented about your mom being similar to what I said about my mom on my blog, but your post reminded me of the similarities again. Here's a similar example- after telling my mom a handful of the crap IF dealt me last week (to try again to show just a glimpse of how hard it is) she said, "you must be having one of those weeks too." I said- "it has been three years mom- not just in the last week." They try, but just don't get it- do they?

Clare said...

So sorry to hear that. It's amazing how people who never had a problem with IF can be so incredibly insensitive. Someone asked me if I was pregnant yesterday. When I told them no, they asked why not? I mean WTF??? Maybe i should have told them every shred of TMI - but i want some privacy too!