Friday, August 14, 2009

The roller coaster ride continues

A couple of months ago I visited some family in L.A. We all went to Universal Studios for a day of fun. I don't like roller coasters. Never have. But because I was trying to go along, to get along and I felt like a country bumpkin come to town, I was talked into riding a few. One was of them was The Mummy. This roller coaster is all in the dark. It is very very scary. And just when I thought I had survived and the ride was coming to an end, the damn thing does it all again-backwards. I hate roller coasters.

Infertility and this pregnancy feel like that roller coaster to me. Just when I think I might survive, the damn thing continues--more scary than before.

Dr's appointment yesterday started with the ultrasound. Hubby went along. We saw the heartbeat, 144 bpm. We were told the fetus is measuring well at 8.1 mm (6w5d, though the actual date is 7w1d). The retrochorion tear was smaller, clotting nicely. The ultrasound tech mentioned again that it was lower in the uterus than they like to see. And she also mentioned that the gestational sac was measuring small. We even got a picture!

We met with Dr Cupcake. We talked about the tear. She wasn't too concerned. In fact she said if it was any smaller they wouldn't be able to see it on the ultrasound. I was told perfect on heart rate and fetus size. However she was a bit concerned about the size of the gestational sac. She had seen it work out well in other pregnancies but I am still a bit on the fence. She wanted me to refill my progesterone prescription. She told me to make an ob/gyn appointment for 3-4 weeks from now. But she wanted to see me back in a week and a half to check on the size of the gestational sac again.

I left feeling pretty upbeat.

Then I Googled "small gestational sac."

If you don't want to sleep at night. If you like to stay up worrying and praying. Google "small gestational sac" and know your measurements. My fetus is 8.1 mm. The sac is only 9 mm. Dr Google tells me that a sac less than 5 mm greater than the fetus has an 80% chance of miscarry.

Back to feeling worried sick.

There are good stories out there concerning small gestational sacs. But you have to dig a little deeper to find them. There are all sorts of reasons why mine might be small that have nothing to do with the fetus--the retrochorion might have damaged the sac, the fetus is very low in the uterus and it might be feeling a little crowded. There are also the general reasons of the accuracy of the ultrasound and the limitations of the ultrasound. . .

But I am back to being scared to death.


MoDLin said...

Sorry to hear about all this, but it's great that you're still seeing that strong thumpy thump thump of the fetal heartbeat.

I totally get the fear factor - so much is unknown right now. But I'd concentrate on what your doc is telling you and leave Google alone. I know plenty of women who really spook the daylights out of themselves by Googling everything. You want to know about YOUR case, not every possibility imaginable.

Hang in there. I'm sending you good thoughts.

Katie said...

Oh man- it never ends. I know it is hard, but I am trying to just focus on the fact that there's nothing I can do to change whatever the outcome will be. It will be what it will be. Dr. Google stinks. I apparently have 80% chance of Vanishing Twin Syndrome. Just hold on to hope, have courage, and have faith. That's really all we can do.

Michele said...

Oh sweetie... As my OB says when I talk to him about stuff that he doesnt like "Stay awake from Dr Google!" (in a nice way of course). I know that you are scared. I actually avoided looking at stuff like that because our RE said that so much is a variable and she didnt want us comparing until at least 10w. I know it is hard and we, as infertiles, want to know EVERYTHING that we can, but sometimes the stress isnt worth it. I am thinking positive for you and crossing my fingers that your next u/s is one that leaves you upbeat with no concerns!

just me, dawn said...

Dr. google....our most enduring hope and our biggests is so hard not to use it, but try and stay strong and i am praying for you both. hopefully time flies and you see your wee one again, measuring bigger. ((hugs))