I told my brother about my upcoming IVF last night. I don't really know why. Hubby and I had a really good discussion before, so maybe it is with those good feelings that I felt the need to also share the information with my brother.
D is less than a year older than me. We are friendly with each other and always enjoy each other's company but we are not particularly close. Maybe that stems from differences growing up, there is such a thing as being too close in age IMO. Maybe it is the differences in sex. Who knows? I didn't just call up and tell him the news. We spent a good 20 mins talking about our day and our lives. He is a doctoral student. He just finished all the classes he needs. He is looking forward a couple of weeks off before he starts the process of writing his dissertation. He had plans to go to an Indigo Girls' concert after we got off the phone.
I felt the mood was right. Mentally I was in a good place to talk about everything that has happened and is going to happen. He asked some basic questions about the procedure. He listened to me talk about the test that have already been done and the chances of the IVF working and not working. All that was a very clinical discussion. We talked about how much my parents knew/approved. I told him that mom knew and was coming around on her approval. I told him dad didn't know because I didn't think he would understand and I wasn't sure if he would approve. D disagreed and said I should tell dad, thought he would understand, and would approve. I told D that he had lived too long outside of our state and forgotten how closed minded people can be. We didn't agree on dad but we did agree that the culture where I live is very different than the culture where he lives. His open mindness was very welcomed. I was pleased to have his support. It felt good to tell him.
He did say some of the dumb things that people are known to say. Jokingly asked me if I was going to be octamom. Asked me why we didn't just adopt. But I am not going to hold those comments against him. The good far out weighed the bad. He said that there was no shame in IVF (or adoption). He said that people that were closed minded were ridiculous. He said that we needed to do whatever we needed to do for how long ever we needed to do it until we felt comfortable with the results. He asked if there was anything that he and my sister in law could do to help.
Infertility doesn't have a lot of positives to it. It is hard to look on the bright side and count your blessing when it comes to the things that infertility brings into your life. But maybe, maybe, maybe a closer relationship with my brother will be one of those few good things infertility brings into my life.